Can I get some advice on how to live with my adult daughter?

My 23 year old daughter lives with me. She has been though a rough time dealing with drugs. She is better now, (at least I think she is). She has a 3 year old daughter that lives with me too. Her boyfriend, also the father of her child, is still on drugs and I have banned him from my home. (he has stolen from me, hasn't gotten a job, doesn't support his baby. etc). Anyway,my daughter would like to continue to live with me while she goes back to school and gets a degree. I need advice on how to handle the situation. I am afraid I will fall back into treating her like a teenager. Can I get some advice on how to be a mom, but not get taken advantage of? Here is an example of what I mean:





She doesn't see any problem with staying out with her boyfriend until 1:00 am and then sleeping until 10:00 to 12:00. Which would not be a problem except her baby doesn't sleep that late. I feel this is neglectful. She says she gets up with her when I am not home but I don't really believe this.





She won't apply for ADC or Child Support because her boyfriend doesn't want it taken out of his check. However he won't pay for anything towards support of his baby. I have to buy her diapers, clothes etc. (I don't supply my daughter with cigarettes or phone minutes but I can't let the baby go without diapers).





She is very lazy, she won't clean or cook a meal. She will wear the same clothes for a week at a time because she doesn't want to wash her own clothes.





I am not sure how to handle this situation. I want to help but I don't want to let her take advantage of me. Any advise?Can I get some advice on how to live with my adult daughter?
First, never give her any money. What ever she needs, you buy it personally. You can't trust her, and you obviously can't trust the boyfriend.


Second, make her file for child support or you will cut her off. You won't cut the baby off, but her, yes. He needs to take responsibility. Force the hand.


It's smart, you keep all valuables locked up. I would too.


Make her help around too. I know you said she is lazy, but make her. It's your house. Good luck.Can I get some advice on how to live with my adult daughter?
not to be judgemental but it does not sound like your daughter is off drugs. Non drug users would never wear the same clothes a week at a time. She needs to learn to take care of herself and that baby. If you don't mind her living with her than set ground rules. She WILL get afdc or a part time job to help with the support of her child. she will not stay out late because she has a child to take care of. Explain to her that if she were to get her own place she could not do that and the benifit of living with you is no rent (i assume) so all you ask is that she take care of herself and her child. You will help out but you will not do it for her.
She already is taking advantage of you. My advise is to sit her down and give her a dose of reality. If she wants to go out, she is to bring in a sitter to watch her daughter and she is to pay for it. You might have banned her bf from the house, but if she is still seeing him, she is still around drugs, and chances are she is doing them. A drug user has to be taken totally away from drugs and anyone involved with them. I would seek legal advice and get custody of the granddaughter and kick her out. Do you honestly think she has straightened out? Read what you have written. You are fooling yourself.
You need to step in more than you have for your own sanity. She is already taking advantage of you.





Your daughter is shortchanging herself, you and the kid by NOT filing for child support. Never mind that the BF doesn't want it garnished from his check... he will just spend it on drugs anyway. Filing for ADC will help her through getting some career training. She can save what she doesn't really need to spend... or you could save it for her by means of taking some off the top and tucking it away in a special savings account.





I understand what you are going through... you want to provide your daughter with a fresh chance at life. Banning the BF from the house isn't working if she is still visiting with him to do some drugs or possibly get knocked up again.





You need to spell things out for your daughter... if she wants to live in your house, she will have to hold up at least her end of things. You need to lay down some clear boundaries. Quit doing things for her. She is not a kid any more. She cannot be allowed to dump everything on you. She has to do her own laundry, clean up after herself, handle her own kid, and pay her own bills. If she won't hold up her end, or obey your rules... the door is that way. If you think this will endanger the baby, then you can file for custody.





Given your history with her, you really should have a deadbolt lock on both your bedroom door and your closet door and anything portable of any value should be stashed within. This helped my parents a lot while enduring my brother's druggie phase.