Can I get some advice?

I've been having issues with the gf...





its a long read





http://www.thoughts.com/allanstrange/blo鈥?/a>





any ideas?Can I get some advice?
Hello, Allan I read your story and sadly I cannot tell you if you should stay or go that has to entirely be up to you. You have definitely got your hands full I might add. First I like to say that you mentioned that you love her but my view on a serious relationship is love is not always enough. You love her and have committed to her but their is resentment that boils below the surface that seems to just be fueling both of you. She seems to deal with any kind of stress outward where as you seem to hoard it all inside yourself. Also, you have helped her better herself in many ways and that can be good because being with someone you love should make you want to be a better person however, in your situation i fear it may seem that she may see you as more of a crutch. What really needs to happen is you both really have to be brutally honest with each other. You should ask her. Is this the beginning of the end or a new beginning? Because while she seems to better herself in some ways she deteriorates in others. As the same with you as well her behavior has caused you to turn to pot. It's really time to just decide if it is time to walk away or time for both of you to start a new. I encourage further relationship counseling for you two in helping decide what what road is best to take. Good luck to you.Can I get some advice?
By any chance are her parents divorced? If so did it happen to her when she was old enough to understand what was going on? I personally had this happen to me. Their marriage ended because of infidelity and ever since that happened I have always had this gnawing feeling in the back of my head that any guy that I was with was going to do it to me. I would start arguments or make accusations just to see if I could finally get my boyfriend to admit that he was being unfaithful, even if any proof I had wasn't at all solid. I know that this sounds crazy, but if my parents were together after 27 years and that still wasn't enough to keep them from being faithful to each other, then how would I ever have a successful relationship? I had to finally start to realize that even though I had no control over what happened to their marriage, I could keep that from happening to me. Her insecurity springs from somewhere and until she figures out where, it will be hard for her to change. It is unfair for her to take it out on you, but she needs to change if she wants to keep you around. You need to talk with her and try to figure out what happened to her for her to feel bad about herself and then move on from there, whether it be counseling or just venting when something happens without putting the blame on someone else. You need to tell her that as soon as something comes up that frustrates her or makes her feel bad about herself she needs to come right out and say it in a non argumentative or accusatory way. Letting anger build over time will usually end in an explosion, which is dangerous and unhealthy. I hope that you all find a solution.
this is going to sound blunt ok you have to end it with this girl for both your sakes!


you dont even love her so why lead her to believe this, its a never ending challenege to try to change her completely trust me.


and if she loves you she has a funny way of showing it, violence should never be taken lightly.





sure you say shes improved but maybe thats not enough


move on with your life and leave her for both your sakes. youll be far happier with someone you care about and maybe it'll teach her a lesson in life and she'll treat future partners with more respect.





hope my advice can help.





oh and to penny below me i dont know what planet your on. sure the pot isnt gonna help their relationship but it sure isnt a reason to condone the violence!
yeah its a long read...





after reading it, you have this question of should you stay or should you go?..


list down your reasons of why you SHOULD stay and why SHOULD you go. weigh things, which matters most. you'd have to answer that question on your own.





are you married or you're boy/girlfriend?...


because if you're boy/girlfriend.. don't expect for things to be better as soon as you are together for 2 years.. it is the year where you'd get to see your bf/gf as they are.. all the bad and the good.





1st year, you show your love and know each other..


2nd year, look for love and attention, show what and who you really are.


3rd year, adjustments and getting along..


4th year, should be able to learn and accept each other and become stronger...


you see, there are stages like LOVE, TRUST and COMMITMENT...





with what I've read, its like she's hurting you physically too.. i guess she's just seeking attention.. comfort, hugs and all.. but since she has changed somehow, you said that you feel like she's not filling her share of the cup.. you both need to work on it. You said she's got low self-esteem, then as a partner, help her boost it.. help her with it..





but when you feel like you're losing yourself while you do it, tell her. but don't sound as if you're blaming her.. tell her you want to do it but you need her help too.. just to make you feel important and so. If she's no good with expressing her feelings, initiate.





you need to talk and work things out but if you feel like she's not helping in making the relationship work, ask her if she loves you.. tell her you want a straight answer, then you might just know what to do with what she'll tell you.





goodluck!



Well Allan...you have some issues as well. First of all you smoke pot! Which to me is equal to the hitting of Sandy. Second of all you seem to think you are the reason Sandy is bettering herself. WHich some may be but no one can make anyone do anything they dont want to do. You maybe have put the ideas in her head but she did them. I would sit down and have a talk with her...maybe she is blogging the same thing else where about your issues. Being in a relationship is pretty much give and take and supporting your mate. I would talk to Sandy and tell her how you feel...maybe start to fall in love again tell her you dont want fighting in your life and see what she can do about it. If she listened to you about all those other things why not stay and keep going? A relationship is a work in progress and yours seems to be progressing. I wish you well
have you had a good ralk with her and try to solve the problems? if not perhaps a short breakup should be in order for all to cool down and rethink it over?





as they say '; absence makes the heart grow fonder';?
maybe she wants to break up with you